About My Grandma:
I was born in 1985, and have always had a very strong connection to my Grandma, Loretta. I used to stay the night at her trailer on the weekends and spent most of my free time with her as well…I know it may sound weird but I felt like I had this “energy” connecting between us (kinda like an umbilical cord in a way, in that the further I was from her the more I hurt “inside”).
For as long as I can remember my Grandma suffered from COPD (in fact my mom says she was told by doctors that she had 5 years to live IF she didn’t get Pneumonia again, and this was said to her quite a while before I was born…she got Pneumonia TWICE after that and didn’t die until 1998).
About Me & My Routine:
I am and have ALWAYS been a “Night Owl”, that is to say I could never go to bed early (even if I tried going to sleep at like 8pm I’d usually lie awake staring at the ceiling). Most times I’d finally fall asleep somewhere between midnight and 2am…not good for someone who had to get up around 7am for school. The point is I NEVER woke up on my own, my mom used to always have to come in my room and holler “Get up, it’s time to get ready for school!” or shake my shoulders and pull open the curtain to let in the overbearing sun.
Remember that above point cause it plays a big part in what happened when I saw my first ghost/spirit. At the point I saw her I would have been 13 years old and to this day I remember it as though it were yesterday~
In early May of 1998 my Grandma got sick with Pneumonia for the third time, we were all worried of course for the first few days she was in the hospital but then the doctor said she was getting much better and could go home the next day (They had everything worked out that my Uncle, Scott would come pick her up and take her home the next morning and I was so happy, I told her I loved her as we left (with the thought of coming to see her at her place when I got home from school the next day.)
When I Saw Her:
I awoke from a dead sleep with the feeling I was being watched, I looked over and saw my grandma standing in my bedroom doorway. She wasn’t “see-through”, floating, or anything out of the ordinary (other than the fact she didn’t have her oxygen on her). She was just standing there in her favorite gown, smiling.
I was very ecstatic to see her, until I noticed the red glare of my digital clock and noticed it wasn’t even time for school yet (and my Uncle wasn’t supposed to go pick her up from the hospital until 9-10am when I would’ve already been in school). It seemed like the moment I put that together in my head the phone rang and she vanished. The phone call was my Uncle telling my mom that my Grandma had passed away.
When my mom came in to break the news to me I was already crying because I already knew in my heart something was very wrong, I remember as my mom came in crying I just cried “She’s gone isn’t she?” and my mom nodded and told me what Scott had told her. I didn’t go to school that day and feel like God took a huge portion of my heart that will never be filled. All these years later I still think about her and sometimes when I know I’m alone, trying to sleep at night I’ll start crying for no reason. This happened when I was 13 years old, today as of 2019 I’m 34 years old and this still sometimes feels like it happened just yesterday~
Apparently sometime during the night (the night where she was supposed to be released the following morning btw) someone (who clearly didn’t read her chart that was at the foot of her bed) gave her cough syrup with Codeine which thinking back on it now I wish I had known about “malpractice” and things like that because at least in my opinion THEY killed her~
Why do I say that? Because she was allergic to Codeine and all they would’ve had to do was take a quick look at the chart hanging on the foot of her bed to have realised that and they could’ve found an alternative medicine.
Mainly because of all this I have absolutely NO trust for doctors and refuse to go to one unless I’m feeling “forced” to, I have a phobia of taking any kind of medication because I’m worried about the side effects (I’ll make a story about that soon and why one medication in particular threw that phobia into full force)
Do I See Her Anymore?:
After seeing her that night I did see her more (I saw her quite a bit but mostly just quick glances, or short visions you could play off as “tricks of the mind” but I’ll likely add a story about the other main time I remember seeing her [The day my mom thought she might be wanting to take me with her.] and the day I believe she was “reincarnated” into what became my pet rabbit…that’s a very strange one, but I’ll have to find all my pictures of my rabbit to try and make it make sense in text form lol)
The main reason I believe she “reincarnated” or something was that I never saw her ghost/spirit after getting the rabbit and the whole time I had the rabbit (and I felt that same “energy” connection to Powder, which is what I named the rabbit as I did with my Grandma).
Could This Be Another Dimension She’s Alive In?:
Ok so I need to preface this with my feeling that I’m in an “alternate” reality from where I was before…my reasoning is as follows:
In July of 2009 I went to the bathroom one day to find my belly button was bleeding (it didn’t hurt but it scared the crap out of me so I had to tell my mom). My mom made me go to the hospital to see what was happening and they made me drink this nasty tasting “liquid” in order to “light up my bones” for the x-ray, it showed I had a 2 Liter “mass” attacthed to my right ovary and they said it needed to be removed (my belly button was bleeding cause this mass was pushing all my other organs around and there wasn’t enough room.) They gave me two options to remove it:
A Laproscopy could be done, which was supposed to heal much faster than normal surgery (6 weeks as opposed to 6 months) and leaves 2-4 tiny scars as opposed to one big long scar. They said the problem with this is it would only work if the mass was liquid and able to be drained, if not they’d have no way of removing it through such a small hole.
A normal Surgery which would normally take a long time to heal and leave a big scar.
I went with the Laproscopy and luckily it was able to be drained and removed, but the stitches under my stomach felt too tight and I had them removed a week later (the wound reopened and had to be packed…daily until it fully healed 🙁 trust me you don’t wanna go through that~), I complained to the nurse (that was coming everyday to pack the wound) that my stomach was hurting and she pressed around on my stomach and popped the stitches inside my belly button and then THAT also had to be packed daily until it fully healed~
Apparently I contracted MRSA from the operating room~ which kept my body from healing right and it STILL took 6 months…to the day, to fully heal.
So why did I tell you that story?
Because before I went in to have that “mass” removed I used to be able to go to places like Walmart, Target, The Mall and I could walk around and shop with my mom without getting “out of breath” or being in “physical pain”. Now afterward? I haven’t left my house (willingly) since 2009 because I can’t walk from my bedroom to the living room without massive back, leg, & hip pain and I get very out of breath now (along with other reasons)…I FEEL like a different person altogether~
I also had many hobbies before the Laproscopy that ever since I had it have been left by the wayside and I have next to no interest in it…things that once were mainstays of my life such as my poetry, You can see all my poetry and such at AllPoetry (and you’ll notice if you go there that out of my over 800 poems, very few are after 2009 and those that are are way less…”thought up”) and my drawings…some of those can be found here, at DeviantArt (Only one was posted after 2009 and if I remember right it’s just a drawing I found as I was looking though old notebooks)
One of the other things I remember doing ALL THE TIME was riding in the passenger seat as my mom drove us out through the country roads, I’d have my head out the window singing with my favorite songs (either on the radio or my CD’s I’d bring for my portable CD player). Ever since the Laproscopy I just don’t have the same “drive” like I literally feel like I’m the same person but in a different “timeline“…you know how they say everytime we come to a crossroads in life and take a certain path, another “timeline” is created for each path we didn’t take and another part of ourselves lives out the other choices in “parralell universes? THAT’S how I feel, like maybe when I went under for the Laproscopy I crossed path with another “me” that had been through even worse times or something…I even feel highly affected by the Mandela Effect and the website about that was launched…you guessed it, in 2009~ This date is EVERYWHERE for me~ I may even make a post (or posts) about the Mandela Effects that strike me and how I remember them, but that’s for another time.
Coming Back To My Grandma In This Dimension?:
Ok so I’ve looked up my grandma’s obituary online before with no problem (again this was BEFORE 2009), All I had to do was google her first & last name followed by “obituary”, well I believe it was sometime in 2017 I was trying to remember the exact date in May that she died so I went to Google and typed in her first and last named followed by obituary…NOTHING, my Aunt, Sue (A nurse who retired in 2009, and died of Cancer in Novemember of 2010…not long after my Uncle, Jonny) I could find no problem (as well as my Aunt, Mary who also died of Cancer) but I could find NOTHING of my Grandma, (not even on the site of the Funeral Home she was buried at…and the site of the cemetary where she’s buried…says “No one with that name archived” or something to that effect.)
So as you can imagine I was just like, WTF? and started down a long rabbit hole of trying to find ANYTHING online about her, I finally found this site that listed a telephone number, address (which was an actual apartment building she lived in long ago), “possible relatives” which was VERY weird because it had both my aunts listed and my uncle, Johnny (listed as John) but it didn’t have my Uncle, Scott (which was the baby of the family…the last born) and it didn’t have my mom listed (she was the second to the last born). And it had her age as 70 (which if I remember right would have been her age at that time not what age she was at the time of her death.)
I was flaberghasted, and wanted to call her SO bad but then I thought, “What if this is a Loretta from another timeline…she may not even KNOW who I am (after all my mom isn’t listed on relatives)” and so I chickened out on calling the number to find out~ It was nearly 2 in the morning when I found that anyway so I thought I’d wait until tomorrow and tell my mom about to see what she thought, and so I went to bed.
The next day I awoke to my computer showing my desktop log in screen (it decided to “auto-update” during the night) and I couldn’t “restore” my tabs, there was NO trace of that one page in my search history, and I couldn’t find the page at all again…it was like a “glitch in the matrix” or something, I saw something I was never meant to see and during the night “they” fixed it~